shinealightonme (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shinealightonme) wrote2009-03-20 01:06 pm
shinealightonme) wrote2009-03-20 01:06 pm
Entry tags:
in my defense, this thing is ridiculously fun to write
Last final. Is OVER. Going back home for a week! Maybe now I’ll be able to get some work done on actual fics. In the meantime, more of this silly nonsense (Chapter 1 is here):
The Gospel According to Ed Bernero: Chapter 2
1 Ed spoke unto the profilers, saying, 2 I am Ed, your creator, who has given unto you this time slot for you to do as you wish, so long as you keep my laws.
3 You shall all together be as one family; 4 you shall tease, and squabble, and become sources of great annoyance unto each other. 5 Though you shall fight about matters both trivial and consequential, you shall still care and look out for each other, and offer much advice, solicited or otherwise; 6 and you shall worry for the well being of other agents and try to spare them any pain.
7 You shall not swear too vehemently, nor show too much of the gore with which you deal, 8 for you have not the powers of HBO to protect you, and shall incur the wrath of the censors.
9 You shall not rest, but rather work yourself too hard, so that the audience may see how serious your task and how strong your determination.
10 You shall have issues with your father and mother.
11 You shall not kill, excepting situations where there is no alternative; 12 and in those cases, you shall feel much remorse and question the darkness of your own nature.
13 You shall not date another agent, but rather leave such matters to the fans to decide as they please.
14 You shall drink an implausible amount of caffeinated beverages.
15 You shall not lie to your fellow agents about matters that concern your work, 16 for it is through trust alone that your work can be done. 17 However, you shall lie as often as you please about personal matters, 18 so that all may see how easily your fellow agents see through your lies, and come to know the glory of a profiler’s skills.
19 You shall find occasion to relate too deeply with the victims, or the unsubs, 20 and in this manner you shall serve as an instrument of the angst.
21 You shall have trauma, both in your past and in your present, 22 and your trauma be shown to all both by the obvious signs of nightmares and flashbacks and bouts of anger directed towards those that have done you no wrong, 23 and also by the subtler signs, slight changes in behavior that shall be missed by casual observation.
24 The profilers heard these commandments, and did question why their creator did have it out for them so; 25 and Ed did say unto them, “Place your trust in me, for I desire only what is best for you. 26 If you heed me and keep my commandments, you shall be made more interesting and shall not suffer the fate of the prematurely canceled.”
27 The profilers agreed that Ed did have a point, 28 and they followed the laws that had been set for them, and for over a year they all did find much success.
Chapter 3
1 Ed spoke unto the profilers, saying, 2 I am Ed, your creator, who has given unto you this time slot for you to do as you wish, so long as you keep my laws.
3 You shall all together be as one family; 4 you shall tease, and squabble, and become sources of great annoyance unto each other. 5 Though you shall fight about matters both trivial and consequential, you shall still care and look out for each other, and offer much advice, solicited or otherwise; 6 and you shall worry for the well being of other agents and try to spare them any pain.
7 You shall not swear too vehemently, nor show too much of the gore with which you deal, 8 for you have not the powers of HBO to protect you, and shall incur the wrath of the censors.
9 You shall not rest, but rather work yourself too hard, so that the audience may see how serious your task and how strong your determination.
10 You shall have issues with your father and mother.
11 You shall not kill, excepting situations where there is no alternative; 12 and in those cases, you shall feel much remorse and question the darkness of your own nature.
13 You shall not date another agent, but rather leave such matters to the fans to decide as they please.
14 You shall drink an implausible amount of caffeinated beverages.
15 You shall not lie to your fellow agents about matters that concern your work, 16 for it is through trust alone that your work can be done. 17 However, you shall lie as often as you please about personal matters, 18 so that all may see how easily your fellow agents see through your lies, and come to know the glory of a profiler’s skills.
19 You shall find occasion to relate too deeply with the victims, or the unsubs, 20 and in this manner you shall serve as an instrument of the angst.
21 You shall have trauma, both in your past and in your present, 22 and your trauma be shown to all both by the obvious signs of nightmares and flashbacks and bouts of anger directed towards those that have done you no wrong, 23 and also by the subtler signs, slight changes in behavior that shall be missed by casual observation.
24 The profilers heard these commandments, and did question why their creator did have it out for them so; 25 and Ed did say unto them, “Place your trust in me, for I desire only what is best for you. 26 If you heed me and keep my commandments, you shall be made more interesting and shall not suffer the fate of the prematurely canceled.”
27 The profilers agreed that Ed did have a point, 28 and they followed the laws that had been set for them, and for over a year they all did find much success.
Chapter 3